I haven’t posted on here in so long. Mainly because, I’ve been living. I admit, I mostly write in here to say things that I need to get off my chest. This entire summer, I haven’t really felt the need to. I’m rekindling friendships and learning how to be myself without apologizing. And hitting the gym regularly.
I have a lot of friends who just got into a relationship, have been in one, got engaged, are pregnant or getting married and I’m still single. And I’m okay with it. I’m so in love with the idea of love that I run for it. Numerous conversations with those I love and love me wholeheartedly, makes me realize, love will find me.
That being said, what’s a King without a Queen? Damn, he’s cute as hell 😍 #MCE kind of guy.
I feel like I’ve moved through my entire life looking for affirmation. Every single thing I’ve done thus far has been to make someone else happy. As of late I just don’t feel like I’m enough. For anyone. For anything. I always preach that you should never calculate your own self worth based on those around you…but when your family makes you feel like you’re not enough, it takes a toll on your self esteem. Not that I had much to begin with, but it was getting there. And so here I am, feeling completely and utterly worthless again.
I never measure up. There’s always something to complain about. After a rough day, this is the last feeling I wanted to have before getting in bed. I’m never going to measure up.
I want to say, “stop lying in self pity and pick yourself up and stop bitching” but after 24 yrs of never feeling accepted, I’m getting towards the end of my rope.
Fall in love with yourself. I’m nowhere near perfect, just like everyone else. The last year has been so rough. Trying to rebuild what little was left of myself and my self confidence has been more than an uphill battle. I give so much that I lose myself in the process. I hope everyone is able to understand that in this time, I’m learning to have my own back again. If I’ve been distant, I’m sorry. Learning how to be my own best friend again instead of constantly criticizing myself has been the harder journey I’ve ever taken on. Honestly, a lot of times I feel so incredibly alone. The gym has been incredible to me. I look forward to going every day and it’s so nice to get out all of the pent up frustration and anguish after a long ass day. At this point in time, I’m happy being alone, but I do miss a lot. The good morning texts, the good night texts, the hand to hold, the way it feels when he pulls me in close, hand around my waist, someone to connect with without needing to say a word, the “you’re beautiful” texts, “I woke up like dis” texts (lol), his cologne, his smile & laugh. I miss it all, but I’m not ready to stop doing me yet. I deserve this time to be alone.
plugging in a usb on the right side on the first try
Everyone always talking about Kim’s cakes but Khloe got some ass too!